party crashing in style

we had an ambitious menu planned: black bean burgers, roasted potatoes, mozzarella tomato salad, guacamole, spinach and fruit salad.  but with five cooks in the spacious kitchen, we were kicking it out.  molly had her back to the rest of us for awhile and turned around at one point astonished at the progress we’d made in the rest of the kitchen.  we had everything on oiled cookie sheets and were ready to celebrate our successful cooperative cooking.

i turned to one of my favorite dishes, relishing the task of making guacamole after the fast paced burger and potato prep.  i made it through two avocados before meeting the third, stubborn one.  after a couple of failed attempts at cutting through the tough skin, my knife missed and connected with my finger.  it wasn’t a serious injury, but it was bleeding nicely and i ran to the sink, knowing that i react poorly to the sight of my own blood.

not a minute later i crouched to the ground, warning whoever was around me that i was going to pass out.  sure enough, the next thing i know i’m being pulled from whatever place i’d gone to by the sound of my sister calling my name.  someone’s rubbing cold water on my head, i’m splayed out on the floor in my dress and feeling like shit.  molly kept calling my name, making sure i was still conscious and i, annoyed by the constant effort of responding, barked back that i was still there.

then, without understanding how theyd gotten there, there was a cloud of 8-10 emts standing around me asking questions.  i was conscious enough to answer, but felt pretty fatigued by the effort.  yes, i said, i cut myself, i passed out, and i had a mild seizure. there’s a chip in my sisters fingernail polish where my jaw clenched down on her finger as she tried to make sure i didnt choke on my own tongue.  i just want them to stop asking questions.  concerned by my seizure, by some minor neck pain being reported, and my clear lack of energy, the emts convinced me to go with them in their ambulance.  they put me in a neck brace, strapped me to a board, taped my head to the board and carried me outside.

the dinner party was cancelled and i asked molly to call sky and tell him i wouldnt be able to watch willow that night.  she had kicked ass.  when no one else knew what to do and embraced their fear, molly made sure i was safe through the seizure and got me to come to.  despite her own fear she took charge, barking orders at the other people in the house, getting someone to call 911 and demanding another phone so she could call our mom.  my lingering thought as i was rolled into the ambulance was that i would need to call her when i got to the hospital.  i didnt have any of my things, but i would borrow a phone.  i didnt realize in my haze that she was riding along in the front seat.

once at the hospital my nausea and pain started to normalize.  they left me strapped to the damn board waiting for the doctor to come in.  all i could do was look at the ceiling and focus on how uncomfortable the board was.  molly tried to distract me and pester the nurses.  finally we made it through the x-rays and ekgs and were just waiting to be discharged, eager to go home.  some of molly’s friends had a bit of an adventure trying to bring us a car and some comfort food.  they made molly laugh, which i appreciated, and kept texting support while she was back in the ER with me.

just before midnight they released me and we stopped by woodfolk to get some of my things.  willow was waiting for me in the driveway and quipped that i was supposed to be home hours ago.  i laughed and showed him the neck brace i had stolen away from the hospital for him, trying to lighten the mood.  i handed it to him and he immediately tried to put it on his head.  we joked about how we could turn it into a pretty fabulous crown or helmet.  i think maybe we’ll spray paint it together and turn trauma into joy.

and today i have mostly just been achey and low energy.  and grateful: for my sister, for her capacity to take care of me and step into her fears; for my housemates, who were waiting up for me when i came home; for my sister’s friends who took care of her as she took care of me; and for my family, who did long distance support for molly.

now i am going to go back to mollys and eat the food we made yesterday.  do something of a healing dinner with her and her housemate who was there when it all happened and came to the ER to check on molly.  and i guess i’ll just have to be more careful around sharp knives and stubborn avocados.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. raven0us
    Sep 12, 2011 @ 00:03:30

    i love you to places deep down in my throat that makes me choke when thinking about you in danger like this. i miss you. letter on the way.


  2. paxus
    Sep 12, 2011 @ 04:32:12

    my favorite part of this story is (unsurprisingly) Willow waiting in the driveway for you. it reminds me of when he refused to go to sleep until i was released from jail. It is his highest compliment to you. One i know you deserve.


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