boy (space) friends

several of my housemates are partners in a cooperatively owned inn and hostel in charlottesville, va–the alexander house.  i’ve subbed in a couple of times and greatly enjoy the work: very domestic, very hostess-y, very fun getting to meet the people passing through.  one day my housemate misty came home with a funny anecdote.

the house, being almost booked up, had two men drop in on a bike tour.  they were younger, friends from college, traveling around by bike together following music shows and interesting sites.  misty only had one bed left in the house, a double in the bunk house.  the boys were told they could share it.  and they took it.

misty came home and shared the story and i was so excited.  so excited for the opportunity to incorporate a non sexual physical intimacy into this male friendship.  forced by the overpopularity of the Alexander house to share a bed, i was hopeful that these two friends would break beyond the taboos placed on men and explore physical closeness as one manifestation of their friendship.  i told misty that she had to report back the next day after her morning cleaning shift at the house.

misty went in the next morning, only to discover that one friend had slept in the bed, while the other slept on the floor next to the bed.  it should be known that the floor is a cozy concrete slab.  i can totally see why one of the two wanted to sleep there.  misty told the boys that her housemate (me) was going to be greatly disappointed by their decision.  and she was right.

my favorite boy friends

we joked, when she told me, that i should go into the hostel and proselytize to these boys about how they were refusing what could be a life changing experience.  i am now sad that i didn’t.

the boys were very helpful fixing a squeaky bed on their second day and misty offered them a second bed in the host’s office for free.  i am cautiously hopeful knowing they refused, trying to keep open the possibility that they didn’t spend all of the night one in the bed, one on the floor.

and i am always appreciative of male friendships that display both strong and vulnerable expressions of love.  i am eager for more structures to support these relationships.  it is the season of the women’s gathering at twin oaks and i am reminded of a dreamy discussion that was had a year ago about the idea of resurrecting a men’s gathering.  and i am not the person to take the lead on this, but it feels so rich with potential and impact.  i hope some of my brothers will take it up, knowing that they would have my enthusiastic support.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. paxus
    Jul 31, 2011 @ 20:50:35

    sadly, i am not a mens gathering type organizer at least not the lead, i would help. i appreciate your efforts to get boys to show greater affection.


  2. paxus
    Jul 31, 2011 @ 21:02:05

    sadly, i am not a mens gathering type organizer at least not the lead, i would help. i appreciate your efforts to get boys to show greater affection, i will keep doing my part


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