if you really loved me you would…

yesterday we had an impromptu house meeting, focusing on building our relationships and creating a strong heart center for woodfolk.  we did the normal checking in piece, then sort of sat around wondering what to do next.  when michele flippantly suggested we play “if you really loved me” (the common intimacy building game being, “if you really knew me, you’d know that…”), i busted out laughing.  it’s that phrase you hear, the one that comes loaded with passive aggressiveness and guilt tripping.  and that’s what made it so great.

so we played several rounds together, sharing the little ways we receive other people’s love, revealing the things that are missing for us in our connection to each other.  and we came up with the ones that made us laugh or sparked discussion or made us hug each other: you would do all my laundry and dishes, you would wear less clothes around the house, you would not assume i am any less substantial because i am often cheerful and bubbly.  that last one was mine, and it was hard to share.

and now i know that i want to be singing more with emma, and around the house, that i want to knock on sky’s door more, that i want to find sexy little numbers for kassia, that i want to give massage and snuggles all around.  i have this list for most of my housemates of fun little things i can do for them that make them know i love them.  and its fucking awesome.

i highly recommend the game.  do it with tongue and cheek and be silly and honest and painfully truthful.  do it with your lover(s), your friends, your families.  find out what it is that says to the people in your life “i love you.”  because we say those three words like they matter so much, but how do we really know?

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sapphyre
    Jun 14, 2011 @ 12:13:29

    What a great post Sara! Thanks for the insight on how to connect a little deeper with the people around us =)

    Reply

  2. paxus
    Jun 14, 2011 @ 12:27:20

    We have elaborated decision models, long guidebooks on how to write computer programs, a million pages of tax forms. But even these simplest intimacy building tools are often novel. Thanks for this clever idea, and i must wonder where is the website with dozens of these connection building tools?

    Reply

  3. raven0us
    Jun 14, 2011 @ 21:59:04

    ungh. i always so envy the little exercises I hear coming out of your community. that is some radical interpersonal shiizzz!

    :come on rest of the world. pick up on this. pick up on this:

    Reply

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