would you dance for me jesus?

it’s almost a line from a popular christian song that came onto the radio while lesley and i were driving east.  it was one of the few songs that we were actually able to pick up on the jetta’s crappy radio and lesley and i both realized we didn’t totally hate it.  and then as we were singing the song in the silence left by the poorly wired radio, we realized we were transposing the lyrics.  instead of humbling ourselves before jesus, we were asking him if he’d dance for us, if in awe of us he’d be still.

we laughed uproariously at our sacrilege and decided we liked our lyrics much better.  and it felt so striking.  like i only want to worship deities that worship me back.  actively worship me back.  which is why i have an altar at one end of my room that creeps like fingers of ivy up along my wall into pictures painted, colored and photographed.  the objects of my worship are not known deities, but bird feathers, love letters, little purple buttons, a bracelet made of pipe cleaners and beads.  it’s sort of like a particularly disorganized page out of an “I Spy” book.  but these objects arent actually the focus of my worship.  it’s the people they’ve come from, or whom they represent.  a few years ago, i took on the title of goddess, liking how it felt, how it fit when i put it on.  and it became obvious to me that it is an accurate and decadent descriptor for the people that people my world.

so when i landed in a room with ample space and a strange piece of furniture that seemed large enough to accommodate all of the goddesses and gods in my life, i went for it.  because in addition to being in total awe and love with the people in my life, i’ve been craving a new mythology.  something epic and integrated into my every day, something organic and alive.  i prefer a world of faerie tales and magic, of celebration and irreverence and i want to write that story for myself.

so if you’ve ever touched my life and made me smile, know that i worship and honor you.  know that i am actively seeking pieces of you to color my altar, that i think of the super powers you’ve shared with me often.  and feel invited to send me something to add to my collection.  do you remember that silly drawing of a toaster you gave me?  it was when we were in college.  i loved it and kept it and now it sits next to a picture of my sister in a dance outfit and that blood donor’s squeezy toy we made into a pin cushion bug that sat in our on campus apartment forever.  i remember and now i lay prostrate in front of it.  in awe of what you bring into my life.  thank you.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. paxus
    Mar 10, 2011 @ 06:20:14

    i will send you some new offerings

    Reply

    • Sara Tansey
      Mar 10, 2011 @ 15:34:39

      oh darling, you are well represented on my altar. i replaced the last condom with a newer one. and i am happy to have more of you there.

      Reply

  2. Curry
    Mar 12, 2011 @ 17:40:13

    How you managed to pick my absolute favorite I Spy page, I do not know.

    Where’s home these days? Other than wherever the wind blows you, at least.

    Reply

    • Sara Tansey
      Feb 09, 2012 @ 15:28:42

      sweet curry!

      why have i never replied here before? will you be notified of my response? will you see that i am still thinking of you often? theres a friend in my life who, somewhere in her facial expressions and structure reminds me startlingly, sometimes, of you. and it’s almost as if you’re close by all the time.

      i live in charlottesville, va right now. my sister molly is here finishing up her last semester in college and then, and then i dont know what. i have big dreams of taking back empty unused spaces and turning them into homes, into autonomous zones. maybe near here, maybe in pittsburgh, maybe somewhere undiscovered.

      where are you? are you in charlotte? are you home a bunch? hows your family? how are you?!? you should write me at sara.m.tansey@gmail.com. if you see this. otherwise i’ll write you somewhere else.

      with so much love

      Reply

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